Yesterday I was anxious about what today would be like because I knew it was the one month mark that Cheyne had walked on. But before my night ended I had inspirational messages from my sister, Maria Schrack (Lucy Mesa), and my cousin Lulu Cordoba. My mom and I finished the evening laughing on the couch, with my precious dog Shanti nestled in my lap. I went to bed with the candle that’s been burning nonstop on my altar with pictures of Cheyne, my teachers, and holy beings that inspire me. I snuggled into bed placing crystals that have been given to me for healing on my heart, and wrapped in my “Guru’s blanket” that a beloved friend just sent me, that was blessed at Neem Karoli Baba’s temple. I whispered my prayers to all three of my sons holding Cheyne’s shirt to my face, and remembered my mom’s blessing as she kissed me good night that her father told her every night before bed: “May God bless you and sleep with the angels.”
I woke up and began to feel the ache in my womb, but reached for my phone to listen to a recording that my son Skye had sent me. All the things I have taught my sons, all the things I have taught my students, all the things I have practiced all of these years to overcome all of the other challenges in my life, are now coming back to me from all of my loved ones to remind me when grief overcomes me.
So, although allowing grief and going into shadow is part of this process, today I choose to focus on all the good memories of my 24 years of being Cheyne’s Mom. I will celebrate him, all the people he touched, the way his brothers shine even brighter because of his love and protection, the precious memories of birthing him, nursing him, holding him in my arms, throwing the football, basketball, baseball, beach memories when we lived in Santa Barbara, all of our mother son talks, and endless family memories of love and laughter. Today I choose to celebrate his life and legacy. I choose to focus on all the love that is pouring down on me. My other two beloved sons Skye and Ronin. And I choose to focus on gratitude for all of it, and all of you. Thank you, I love you all! 🙏🏾♥️♥️♥️